| This came in, courtesy of Elaine Edwards aided and abetted by Adrian.The DOGGY Dictionary!- BATH: This is a process by
which two-legs drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help
by shaking vigorously and frequently.
- BICYCLES: Two-wheeled
exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get
maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark
loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the two-leg then swerves and
falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
- BUMP: The best way to get your two-leg's attention, especially when they are drinking a hot cup of coffee or tea.
- DEAFNESS: This is a malady
which affects dogs when their two-leg wants them in and they want to stay
out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the two-leg, running in
the opposite direction, or lying down.
- DISH: A place where food miraculously appears.
- DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
- DOUBLE BED: Place for four greyhounds to sleep instead of two two-leggs
- DROOL: Is what you do when
your two-leg's have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit
as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor,
or better yet, on their laps.
- GARBAGE CAN: A container
which two-leg's put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You
must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid up with your
nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to
shred, beef bones to consume and mouldy crusts of bread.
- GARDEN: Multi-use area, mostly used for racing round and tearing up the grass, or as a toilet.
- GOOSE BUMP: A ploy to
use as a last resort when the regular Bump doesn't get the attention
you require... Especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See below.
- KING SIZE BED: Place for five Greyhounds to sleep...
- LEAN: Every good greyhound’s
response to the command "sit!", especially if your two-leg is dressed
for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
- LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your two-leg where you want him/her to go.
- LOVE: Is a feeling of intense
affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can
show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a two-leg will love
you in return.
- MEET-n-GREET: Chance for Dogs to stroke new two-leg's hands with their heads
- SINGLE BED: Place for three Greyhounds to sleep...
- SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your two-leg makes you stop.
- SOFAS: Are to dogs like
napkins are to two-legs. After eating it is polite to rub up and down the
front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
- SQUEAKY TOY: Implement used to interupt two-legs while they watch their favourite soap on TV.
- THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Two-legs remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
- WASTE-BASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old sweet wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your two-leg comes home.
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